It’s very common for entrepreneur parents to feel guilty if they are unable to dedicate time for their kids, especially during the week. Societal norms, conditioning and the constant need to be the best at everything puts pressure on high performers to be present and to spend the right amount of time with their loved ones.
The guilt and the lack of being present make us search for the best tips and advice we can find to function properly as business owners and parents. Undertunely there is no silver bullet. It’s a lot of constant testing and tweaking routines and systems, and experimenting with different parenting approaches to find a solution that works at the time. What works now for your family won’t work for you in a few months or years down the road. Schedules change and with that means a change in routine.
Last month I had the honor of chatting with Martine Wilky. She has the same mom-first approach to life as I do. And I love it! Martine is someone that I discovered (or she found me?) on Instagram not surprisingly as she offers coaching for that platform and has over 15k followers! She is consistent, persistent, and motivating. Oh, and adorable, I might add. Read on as she talks about how to get past the pressures of parenting and running a business.
Fighting in a relationship is normal, and actually quite healthy. According to Esther Perel, psychotherapist, and author of Mating in Captivity, "fighting is a must." A must because fighting isn't actually the issue. It's the repair that matters.
Where your will power steps in is when you feel the need to say something just-to-piss-him/her-off. Something that hurts, that digs deep and will cause a reaction. Will power is your strongest asset so that you don't say or do something you will regret.
here are a few things in life that are guaranteed.
1) Your body and mind will change after having kids
2) You will feel mom guilt at some point in your child's life
The first thing, although it takes some time, can be managed relatively easily. Exercise, eat well, sleep well and take some time for you.
The later part, the mom guilt, is something that despite all efforts will find its way into your life whether you feel like you deserve it or not. There are many reasons behind this; conditioning (how you were raised and your parent's expectations of how you will parent), pressure from friends and your community, social media, outdated norms, discriminating laws and rules around going back to work, mat leave, and so on.
Do parents, especially entrepreneur parents, really spend enough time with their kids?
It’s become this kind of scorecard, and we justify how good we are at parenting by the amount of time we spend with our kids.
But quantity does not equal quality. A child will rather spend 20-minutes with you playing a board game if you are ‘all in’ versus an ad hoc afternoon of wandering while you scroll your iPhone every ten minutes.
Think about your childhood memories. Do you remember the days that your parents/caregivers starred aimlessly at their newspapers ho-humming every time you tried to speak with them, or do you remember the micro-moments like playing Barbies or collecting stickers with your mom?